poemranker ::This rage by Heather Dee

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Other № 130874

This rage

by Heather Dee

Member since 2005 · Posted 10 Sep 2005 · 1 comment

Swallowing you whole my anger consumes you. Until I have buried you beneath your shallowness and guilt. Afraid to open my mouth and take another breath, I sit silently wondering why it has come to this. Your blood now running threw my veins. Still I am unable to understand your motives. The demon you once were, Trying to break free, of this prison of flesh. Suffocating, yet peaceful you give in. Only to realize your greatest defeat, Now holds you hostage. Gasping for life, it’s to late….

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1 comment

[2] nentwined 11-Sep-05/9:08 PM Reply
threw -> through

why a comma in "free, of"?

I wish I had some constructive suggestions for you, but I'm coming off a caffeine jag.

It gets better in time, but I don't know how.

I'm just not finding a flow, the words come across as melodramatic and not quite connected, and the situation is a bit too... generalized for me to feel any connection.