I”d Kill Your Dog For Respect

Sabrina, I value our friendship. I think what we share is Rare. You can always make me laugh. You’re so funny, Honey. Plus, you are a beautiful lady. You’re hot— --NOT! No seriously, you’re pretty attractive, and you’re rich, Beeyotch. You’re my best friend in the world, and in part, that’s why I’m telling you this: I’d kill your dog for respect. I don’t see this scenario coming up anytime soon, but who knows What the future holds? I might get approached by a stone-cold street gang who admires My moxie, and is considering letting me in But wants me to prove myself to them, and requires I commit an unspeakably violent sin. In that case, I can’t promise I wouldn’t break Into your house late at night while Biscuit’s asleep, Grab him by the throat and twist and shake Then throw his body in my dusky-colored Jeep. I’d leave the door open so you’d think he ran away You’d put up “Lost” flyers—I’d even help you out, My words and facial expressions would not convey The slightest hint, of that I have no doubt. Meanwhile, I’d deliver Biscuit’s body to the gang Hold it aloft in front of Hard Thug Z, Tie Biscuit to a rope and let him hang A tribute to the newest awesome gang member: ME. I hope I have been clear: I treasure being your friend and confidant. I love watching “Desperate Housewives” with you and talking on the phone. When we have lunch, it’s always the high point of my day. I even LIKE Biscuit, but I’ve gotta come correct: I’d kill your dog for some sweet respect.