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Gone Forever (in loving memory of a teacher) (Other) by Princess_Snowflake He was around
when he was alive
He gave people
smiles on their faces
He shared the things he liked
that we would someday enjoy
He had the humor
that we can laugh at
He is now gone forever
without saying goodbye
He left us tears in our eyes
but a wonderful legacy
that belonged to him
and the people that knew him
He is gone forever
to a wonderful place
that we will someday be at
He will always be alive
in our hearts and memories
while he is gone forever.
Up the ladder:
Mr. America (Hunting Season)
Down the ladder:
my unicorn
Votes: (green: user, blue: anonymous)
Arithmetic Mean: 5.2
Posted: May 3, 2005 2:29 PM PDT; Last modified: May 9, 2005 5:45 PM PDTWeighted score: 5.0238404 Overall Rank: 7408 Comments:
[10]
Hallmark @ 129.12.235.73
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9-May-05/5:47 PM
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Reply
Excellente!
No, this is not exellente. The problem with Memorials like this one, is that it only moves the author and acquaintances of this teacher. Outsiders who read this don't give a damn. And that's what the poem should do: make people who don't know anything about this man and his (presumely untimely) death, CARE. I wonder; what made him so very 'around'? What made him so unforgettable? What's his 'wonderful legacy'? There is not a thing you shed light on, all you present here is a list of facts, a bunch of platitudes. It's totally devoid of a personal view, it does not give an image of this man, except the impression that he must have come close to being the next Jesus. You sob and cry, Princess, and you don't tell me why.
"He was around when he was alive"
What exactly does that mean?
It means he was fat.
Alexander
Don't make fun of her. This is not a good poem, but it's sincere.
There's no question about that. But in my experience, sincerity has very little to do with great poetry. Most of your favorite poets are writing about things that haven't really happened, and making you think they did. And not only that they did happen, but that they happened to you.
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