So I'm praying to God this holiday season - and I do believe in God - at least for now it helps me not hate the world. I'm praying first off for peace - love - happiness and an end to all of the detrimental pain the kind that teaches hate instead of strength. But in case none of that comes true I do have one entirely selfish wish. I want to shine. I want to be special, strikingly smart, amazingly intuitive startling in my creativity and imagination. Something, please make something go right in this brain of mine I whisper to God as I stare at my reflection in the mirror, Searching for that knowing look of wisdom that never comes. Please make me stand out from the rest. Give me a skill, a legacy anything that will rise me above the common fool anything that can gain me admiration and respect. I know I sound desperate and needy God. (This time my whispers get stuck in my throat with the tears I wont allow to fall). But that is because I am. I'm empty and i’m waiting. Please God, do something to show me how I am meant to shine. Wasn't I meant to do something? Don't you have any plans for me? (I try to ask God) but end up instead questioning my ceiling interrogating my floor asking myself. I'm ready to accept my role in life God, whatever it may be. Please show me my path to wisdom and enlightenment I murmur my eyelids growing heavy with sleep. And suddenly I’m a child again begging Santa to please bring me that one special gift that I know will keep my happy forever.