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Fastso (Free verse) by Dovina Ahead of her in Walgreenâs line
a fat boy slouches,
son of a deli owner, she presumes,
aiming life at low riders
while slagging on some sofa,
Ho-Ho in his hand.
His face turns a glance to her,
round head bound in black,
skull-and-crossbones glaring,
chin with 69 whiskers,
some on pimple islands.
Sweatshirt so big
heâs torn cuff-seam holes,
thumbs protruding
while sleeves cover warty hands.
Unlike other fat boys
her linemate isnât jolly,
no appeasing smile,
not naïve or innocent.
Fountain of porno knowledge,
she figures,
the suety gang member police catch,
while smart ones flee.
She reads instinctivelyâ-
an evil fat boy
used, abused, befriended
by just a few for what theyâll get.
At once she takes a liking to him.
Heâs unlikable after all,
and she knows what thatâs about.
Up the ladder:
First Love
Down the ladder:
interlude
Votes: (green: user, blue: anonymous)
Arithmetic Mean: 7.6
Posted: March 5, 2005 8:11 AM PST; Last modified: March 5, 2005 8:11 AM PSTWeighted score: 6.3 Overall Rank: 877 Comments:
[9]
edpeterson @ 68.79.19.251
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5-Mar-05/8:42 AM
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Reply
Well, it may have gone on a bit, but the first stanza made me guffaw with a recklessness I had not known since middle school. I think I will give you a real vote on this one, as it is a nice change-up from that programming hunger bullshit. You have earned it with what I percieve to be genuine repentance. Forgiveness is yours my child.
ahhh.. those were the good old days when I could lie back on the sofa of an afternoon and slag away, unimpeded by the demanding task of critiquing poemes.
Sorry to disappoint, but your perception of my repentance is false. Both of my Hunger poems are, in my opinion, not bullshit, but honest commentary on many kinds of hunger and how they intermingle â a hierarchy of hunger.
Speaking of intermingling, with so many tadpoles in the pond these days, each belching four pustuled burps before they grow legs or die, perhaps an old cowfrog is a bit of a novelty, wouldnât you say, Bull?
Q1: Who are you talking to?
Q2: "a hierarchy of hunger" is still bullshit, and didn't you tell me that wasn't what you were writing about? Q3: What the hell are you talking about? Q4: regarding, "Unlike other fat boys / her linemate isnât jolly," what would you guess is the proportion of jolly-fat-people-you-know to non-jolly-fat-people-you-know? Mine's practically zero. So what the hell are you talking about? Q5: Did you mean to spell Fatso as "Fastso"? Why? Q6: In addition to being a sexist again, you're also a fatsist now. Is there any depth you won't sink to? I'll bet not.
Q1: edpeterson, as anyone can see.
Q2: A hierarchy of hunger is clearly shown in both Hunger poems, call it what you will. Q3: Itâs not about hell. Q4: 0.75 +/- 0.20. 0 is clearly incorrect! Q5: The only useful thing youâve said in weeks. Q6: I declare myself not sexist and not fatist.
Fastso if nothing else deserves an award for the most ironic mispelling ever.
Q1: Oh, I see that now.
Q2: I did. You said it wasn't. Q3: Whatever. Q4: No it's not. I mean, yes it is, as I didn't say zero, I said practically zero. But I was serious, I hardly know any jolly Fats. And in all honesty, I've always assumed California fatties would be less jolly than non-Californian fatties. Perhaps you're mistaking the jovial shaking of their massive bosoms for real jolliness? Q5: Don't mention it. Q6: That means nothing except that people who acknowledge the possibility that they're sexist and fatsist are likely less sexist and fatsist than you are.
i like this - makes you think - 9
Must U rite such gay poems allathe time? Do you know that they make lipstick out of suet? "suety gang..."
I do apologize for the lipstich with its clearly gay implications for gang members. In the hierarchy of hunger itâs up there with âfatsistâ and saying all fat people are not jolly. How do I keep coming up with such nonsense?
I don't think fat people tend to be jolly. I think they tend to be poor and hence have nothing to be jolly about :(
Funny, most of the ones I know seem jollier than the average person. Poor or not poor seems irrelevant.
Poor people are more likely to be fat, diseased, alcoholic, smokers, drug addicts, criminals, victims of crime, depressed, schizophrenic. You call this an irrelevance and then criticise an gentleman's portrayal of poorness as a bit smelly. Let me ask you this. Is it better to sweep clean the pavement because it is smelly or to not sweep clean the smelly pavement because you believe it to be jolly?
To sweep clean the pavement because it is smelly. But I still think fat people are jollier on average than non-fat people, be they poor or not. I donât know the reason for this, but is appears true.
clear and clever imagery. the last two stanzas, however, are tritely phrased in comparison with the rest. also, since we don't know anything about the speaker, that she sympathizes with our corpulent friend has no effect on the reader beyond allowing him or her to make an inference about the speaker's character. otherwise, an enjoyable poem.
I was hoping the reader would infer something about the woman from the last line - that being unliked herself, she understands the feelings this boy must have. Otherwise the poem would be merely a description of the fat boy, and the woman just an observer. You seem to see this. To say more about her would detract, I think, from the blunt focus on the fat boy, and overcomplicate the story.
I guess every smart ass comment is an image of the speaker's character?
I don't think so! It's there opinion!
rite!
Dear Christ...
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