poemranker ::Fastso by Dovina

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Free verse № 121083

Fastso

by Dovina

Member since 2004 · Posted 5 Mar 2005 · 19 comments

Ahead of her in Walgreen’s line a fat boy slouches, son of a deli owner, she presumes, aiming life at low riders while slagging on some sofa, Ho-Ho in his hand. His face turns a glance to her, round head bound in black, skull-and-crossbones glaring, chin with 69 whiskers, some on pimple islands. Sweatshirt so big he’s torn cuff-seam holes, thumbs protruding while sleeves cover warty hands. Unlike other fat boys her linemate isn’t jolly, no appeasing smile, not naïve or innocent. Fountain of porno knowledge, she figures, the suety gang member police catch, while smart ones flee. She reads instinctively—- an evil fat boy used, abused, befriended by just a few for what they’ll get. At once she takes a liking to him. He’s unlikable after all, and she knows what that’s about.

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mean 7.60 weighted 6.30 rank 879 views 352 View voting details →

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19 comments

[9] edpeterson 5-Mar-05/8:42 AM Reply
Well, it may have gone on a bit, but the first stanza made me guffaw with a recklessness I had not known since middle school. I think I will give you a real vote on this one, as it is a nice change-up from that programming hunger bullshit. You have earned it with what I percieve to be genuine repentance. Forgiveness is yours my child.
[9] edpeterson 5-Mar-05/8:44 AM Reply
ahhh.. those were the good old days when I could lie back on the sofa of an afternoon and slag away, unimpeded by the demanding task of critiquing poemes.
[n/a] Dovina › edpeterson 5-Mar-05/10:53 AM Reply
Sorry to disappoint, but your perception of my repentance is false. Both of my Hunger poems are, in my opinion, not bullshit, but honest commentary on many kinds of hunger and how they intermingle – a hierarchy of hunger.

Speaking of intermingling, with so many tadpoles in the pond these days, each belching four pustuled burps before they grow legs or die, perhaps an old cowfrog is a bit of a novelty, wouldn’t you say, Bull?
[n/a] zodiac › Dovina 7-Mar-05/5:26 AM Reply
Q1: Who are you talking to?

Q2: "a hierarchy of hunger" is still bullshit, and didn't you tell me that wasn't what you were writing about?

Q3: What the hell are you talking about?

Q4: regarding, "Unlike other fat boys / her linemate isn’t jolly," what would you guess is the proportion of jolly-fat-people-you-know to non-jolly-fat-people-you-know? Mine's practically zero. So what the hell are you talking about?

Q5: Did you mean to spell Fatso as "Fastso"? Why?

Q6: In addition to being a sexist again, you're also a fatsist now. Is there any depth you won't sink to? I'll bet not.
[n/a] Dovina › zodiac 7-Mar-05/8:13 AM Reply
Q1: edpeterson, as anyone can see.
Q2: A hierarchy of hunger is clearly shown in both Hunger poems, call it what you will.
Q3: It’s not about hell.
Q4: 0.75 +/- 0.20. 0 is clearly incorrect!
Q5: The only useful thing you’ve said in weeks.
Q6: I declare myself not sexist and not fatist.
[8] richa › Dovina 7-Mar-05/8:27 AM Reply
Fastso if nothing else deserves an award for the most ironic mispelling ever.
[n/a] zodiac › Dovina 9-Mar-05/4:22 AM Reply
Q1: Oh, I see that now.
Q2: I did. You said it wasn't.
Q3: Whatever.
Q4: No it's not. I mean, yes it is, as I didn't say zero, I said practically zero. But I was serious, I hardly know any jolly Fats. And in all honesty, I've always assumed California fatties would be less jolly than non-Californian fatties. Perhaps you're mistaking the jovial shaking of their massive bosoms for real jolliness?
Q5: Don't mention it.
Q6: That means nothing except that people who acknowledge the possibility that they're sexist and fatsist are likely less sexist and fatsist than you are.
[9] that_funny_girl 5-Mar-05/9:32 AM Reply
i like this - makes you think - 9
[10] Dan garcia-Black 6-Mar-05/9:41 PM Reply
Must U rite such gay poems allathe time? Do you know that they make lipstick out of suet? "suety gang..."
[n/a] Dovina › Dan garcia-Black 7-Mar-05/8:11 AM Reply
I do apologize for the lipstich with its clearly gay implications for gang members. In the hierarchy of hunger it’s up there with “fatsist” and saying all fat people are not jolly. How do I keep coming up with such nonsense?
[8] richa 7-Mar-05/8:28 AM Reply
I don't think fat people tend to be jolly. I think they tend to be poor and hence have nothing to be jolly about :(
[n/a] Dovina › richa 7-Mar-05/8:49 AM Reply
Funny, most of the ones I know seem jollier than the average person. Poor or not poor seems irrelevant.
[8] richa › Dovina 8-Mar-05/3:01 AM Reply
Poor people are more likely to be fat, diseased, alcoholic, smokers, drug addicts, criminals, victims of crime, depressed, schizophrenic. You call this an irrelevance and then criticise an gentleman's portrayal of poorness as a bit smelly. Let me ask you this. Is it better to sweep clean the pavement because it is smelly or to not sweep clean the smelly pavement because you believe it to be jolly?
[n/a] Dovina › richa 8-Mar-05/6:55 AM Reply
To sweep clean the pavement because it is smelly. But I still think fat people are jollier on average than non-fat people, be they poor or not. I don’t know the reason for this, but is appears true.
[7] James Rykelangeli 7-Mar-05/11:33 PM Reply
clear and clever imagery. the last two stanzas, however, are tritely phrased in comparison with the rest. also, since we don't know anything about the speaker, that she sympathizes with our corpulent friend has no effect on the reader beyond allowing him or her to make an inference about the speaker's character. otherwise, an enjoyable poem.
[n/a] Dovina › James Rykelangeli 8-Mar-05/7:07 AM Reply
I was hoping the reader would infer something about the woman from the last line - that being unliked herself, she understands the feelings this boy must have. Otherwise the poem would be merely a description of the fat boy, and the woman just an observer. You seem to see this. To say more about her would detract, I think, from the blunt focus on the fat boy, and overcomplicate the story.
[10] blacksoul 8-Mar-05/3:27 AM Reply
I guess every smart ass comment is an image of the speaker's character?
I don't think so! It's there opinion!
[9] edpeterson › blacksoul 8-Mar-05/10:02 AM Reply
rite!
[n/a] zodiac › blacksoul 9-Mar-05/4:44 AM Reply
Dear Christ...