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Daddy (Other) by mishy_lee He's not gonna be at my wedding
He's not gonna be at my grad
He won't be there for Christmas
and that really makes me mad.
He isn't going to visit
He isn't going to call
We cannot keep in touch anymore
and that doesn't please me at all.
No one can replace him
It just wouldn't be the same
he was literally my hero
and Daddy was his name.
My life has been a living hell
ever since he passed away
there's only so many memories
why did it have to be this way?
Up the ladder:
North
Down the ladder:
Evensong
Votes: (green: user, blue: anonymous)
Arithmetic Mean: 6.2
Posted: August 26, 2002 9:44 AM PDT; Last modified: August 26, 2002 9:44 AM PDTWeighted score: 5.1430435 Overall Rank: 5347 Comments:
[5]
Redfin @ 66.168.139.251
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26-Aug-02/12:17 PM
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Reply
your pain comes across, give it time and remember that he love'd you. Make him proud of who your are and who you will be.
While I'm sure your sorrow is both beautiful and deep, your expression of it is facile and stupefyingly dull. I might have thought that it was intentionally 'childlike', but the last verse strikes me as unintentionally shit. What are you trying to achieve here? Are you attempting to say something that mere prose couldn't say? Are you experimenting with new forms of poetic expression? Or are you just trying to make your expression of grief rhyme? Contrary to popular belief, things that rhyme aren't more true or deep than things that don't rhyme. 10/10!!!
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