-=Dark_Angel=-, P.I.26 Aug 2002

While I'm sure your sorrow is both beautiful and deep, your expression of it is facile and stupefyingly dull. I might have thought that it was intentionally 'childlike', but the last verse strikes me as unintentionally shit. What are you trying to achieve here? Are you attempting to say something that mere prose couldn't say? Are you experimenting with new forms of poetic expression? Or are you just trying to make your expression of grief rhyme? Contrary to popular belief, things that rhyme aren't more true or deep than things that don't rhyme. 10/10!!!