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Morning Dreams (Free verse) by ObiWonKn Droplets of you
Remain on my branches
Dew in the morning
The sunlight
shines through
Igniting your diamonds
The sky remains your fortress
You
will never forsake your throne
The way you have me
As the moon takes
the hand
Of the evening?s brightest star
They slow dance in perfect
time,
Gliding to the piano
Still playing in my head
Suddenly, I see
you
And it isn?t just a dream
The stars are glitter
Dancing through your
hair
The bitter taste of goodbye
Is no longer there
Just you
Up the ladder:
The Plum
Down the ladder:
Evening's end
Votes: (green: user, blue: anonymous)
Arithmetic Mean: 5.2608695
Posted: March 16, 2002 1:14 AM PST; Last modified: March 16, 2002 1:14 AM PSTWeighted score: 5.2561774 Overall Rank: 3999 Comments:
[n/a]
deleted user @
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16-Mar-02/1:21 AM
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Reply
Sorry -- this one gets the big "huh?" Some good images -- "Igniting your diamonds", "Droplets of you/Remain on my branches"
GREAT line: Igniting your diamonds (Jill S.)
so, the dew is glistening in the morning as the moon dances with the evening star (and the rest glitter around them)? or where did the time go?
igniting your diamonds?...
awkward.. too much metaphor ruins the mood.
Sometimes I just skip to the end.
"Droplets of you
Remain on my branches Dew in the morning The sunlight shines through"....I am stingy with the compliments...that said...awesome lines here! Of course, it sounds vaguely like me, but I can't claim you stole it (as I'd like to be able to), as I have yet to post here! LOL! I also liked the last, very much! "Suddenly, I see you And it isn't just a dream The stars are glitter Dancing through your hair The bitter taste of goodbye Is no longer there Just you Very nice...will be snooping around to see what other morsels you have left lying about. I felt the middle sections were not of the same caliber as the favorite lines I just pointed out. I am giving you a fairly high score (in the way I have been voting), for the lines I mentioned above, and because, having only read a limited number of pieces, this one made me feel hope that I would find a gem among the rough. 202 view(s)
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