Re: A Dangling Poo by zodiac	1-Apr-04/4:42 AM
Okay, I get what you mean by "original" now. Just a suggested edit on verse three, "cause I'm Klinger" is good, but maybe "cause I'm a Klinger" would be better? Otherwise a simply marvelous feast, on the unknown thoughts of a constipated nugget of furry waste :)
Re: a comment on Over Simplification by Richard	1-Apr-04/4:10 AM
Thanks, I'm a computer geek by trade and this poem is an attempt at reverse engineering. I started with the thought of a short-term bad relationship, previous girlfriend, and an emotional timeline. Just worked backward from there (I did use a thesaurus). It’s the same poem written 3 different ways hence the name. Thanks for the comments!
Re: a comment on Over Simplification by Richard	1-Apr-04/4:03 AM
Take that to heart that they have realized the error of their Cliché ways. They are extending their vocabulary, trying to create the same meaning without using those selfsame words. It's a growing process. You're making me think so don't get me wrong. But as humans we have 5 senses, 6 if you're psychic. I couldn't tell you the exact number of emotions we are capable of, but it's a finite number. More often than not poetry runs along those basic themes. But if you mean writing something new to the effect of "The French-Fries day off" or "My bicycle decided to ride me today" I'll work on it, seriously. As far as the line goes, my favorite is Cascaded tears... Thanks for the comments, keep up the good work Z!
Re: Eyes by tre	30-Mar-04/6:15 PM
Just curious, were you stalking him? I like the imagery in the last line, a smile, like a lie, through the teeth :)
Re: a comment on how i love by elizabethann	30-Mar-04/5:58 PM
IT WASN'T ME! I don't know who did, but I certainly did not piss in your wheaties!
Re: a comment on Old Glory by Richard	30-Mar-04/5:45 PM
Zodiac, I'm getting to know you a little more. But the first impressions you make, and not only to me, can be very antagonistic. I don't know whether you are purposefully trying to scare away new posters or what, but there are better ways to critique. For instance, 1st comment to new poster: "Hello, my handle is Zodiac and I'm one of the resident critiquers around here, please refer to the following posts: http://www.poemranker.com/poem-details.jsp?id=80728 http://www.poemranker.com/poem-details.jsp?id=81528 http://www.poemranker.com/poem-details.jsp?id=86270 I'll let you off easy as this is your first time here, but after this the gloves are off." This establishes rapport with them, it gives them a chance to validate your mandate on this site by reading previous comments, and then they are enlighten on what not to do on their next submission. By doing this you allow them the opportunity to improve themselves. It is the greatest gift you can give someone, whereas telling him or her how to do it only builds resentment. If, on the other hand, it is your goal to start arguments for the sake of intellectual combat, they you're doing the right thing! And by God, if they do drivel again, hit 'em with a dissertation! I don't necessarily agree with everything you say about poetry, but I'm willing to give you a B+ (PoemRanker-8) on your views. Everything I write from now on will have more due diligence. P.S. I do want to THANK YOU for making me think harder about what I write. I will admit though, I do have an overwhelming urge to write bad poetry just to spite you :)
Re: a comment on Old Glory by Richard	29-Mar-04/3:02 PM
Just because I don't respond doesn't mean I haven't heard you. "Misplaced Life" was my attempt at removing the cliché’s from my content, but then it was my use of verbiage that upset you. Are you like an English Lit professor that's tired of grading homework? As far as The Pedestal went, try this on for size. Not everyone who reads poetry does so at a College level or at your level whatever that might be. That particular poem was written for a person who uses English as a second language. So it may be old hat or "cliché" to the 50 or 60% percentile who even keep up with all the clichés out there, but to her maybe it was the first English poem anyone ever wrote for her. So what if it's cliché central, I didn't totally cop out and buy a generic greeting card, I created my own. And that, my friend, just happens to be one of those "little" things that women keep track of. This poem, if you take the time to study it, has 13 lines just like the flag, there are 50 letters where the stars are, you can read the stars down or across into the strips. You can read the strips with or without the stars (although it seems to miss a beat here or there). IMHO, what stood out about this type of poetry was that its structure is what made it concrete, not the content. I read what you guys say. I also check on what you're saying about other people’s poetry. You seem to really come down hard on budding poets. Maybe life has treated you poorly and your only outlet is to bring someone else’s world down. So what if it's bad poetry, give it a bad score and make suggestion on improvement. For myself, I could care less what other people think about my work, I write for my enjoyment. If they want to take the time and give me constructive advice on how to improve, that's great. But when YOU arbitrarily slam something the way you do, I just figure: A: You're pissed off at the world B: Were an abused child and this is how you're getting closure C: Your job sucks, you hate your boss, so you surf the net during working hours writing dissertations to people who ignore you D: All of the above One other thing, about this poem anyway, this is my first attempt at a "concrete" poem. So what if there are coined phrases or clichés. That just means there are thousands of people out there that understand what I’m trying to say. So if Billy Bob Redneck gets hold of this he knows I’m talking about our flag, and doesn’t have to wonder what “The sower of pesticide for the worlds two-leg’ed cockroaches” means. By going so far to say something new or that hasn't been said, you run the risk of alienating or insulting people. I'm not saying clichés can't be reworded or improved, but (here comes one now) if it ain't broke, don't fix it (i.e. If its function is within tolerance and performance fits within optimal operating environments, refrain from adjustment, modification, or tampering in an attempt to improve the final outcome)
Re: The second coming by cleverdevice	28-Mar-04/8:55 PM
IMHO, the 4th paragraph needs just a little work, spelling on accompanied? "proclaimed a good" also confuses me just a little.
Re: how i love by elizabethann	25-Mar-04/2:48 PM
Still, it's nice. A humble poet is not to be taken lightly :)
Re: a comment on The Pedestal by Richard	19-Mar-04/2:12 PM
This is the revision for Mr. Google Cliché (zodia): The Pedestal: You’re Jane Doe, so what You’re here, great Life sucks when you’re not lucky Please look at me and smile. WOW! That’s art! But it still needs some revision: The Pedestal: You exist, Life Sucks, so smile Not quite there: The Pedestal: You and Life Suck, so smile Ah Ha! I’ve got it! The Pedestal: You suck and smile! THAT’S IT! Thank you so much for your insightful comments! I can surely win the Pulitzer Prize for this one!