on some deleted poem
13 Oct 2005, 8:20 PM
I probably could have given you more but fuck it- start low and build
on Are you my love? by Prince of Void
13 Oct 2005, 8:29 PM
That really is a bit of dog's bollocks isn't it? From the illiterate "Finally did we loss ourselves?" that's "lose" I think, to the bog of cliches the reader finds themselves sinking in.
"Where I see you are still the love couldnât perish
Let me sink in the ocean of divination and devotion"
The first line sounds like Yoda after sniffing deep thoughts from a paint tin and the second is just shit. However, there are some gems sprinkled throughout this and what you need to do is focus and edit. other than that
"it just divides us and itâs wearing me down"
David
"Where I see you are still the love couldnât perish
Let me sink in the ocean of divination and devotion"
The first line sounds like Yoda after sniffing deep thoughts from a paint tin and the second is just shit. However, there are some gems sprinkled throughout this and what you need to do is focus and edit. other than that
"it just divides us and itâs wearing me down"
David
on Kiteflying by april fool
13 Oct 2005, 8:34 PM
For an eight year old's first effort, all I can say it was very brave- awful but brave none the less- do you have any other interests to fill your day?
David
David
David