Shuushin28 Mar 2004

It kept me reading though I was thinking "too much, too many words" -

This theme of unrequited love/breakups is soooo done - BUT - you put a nice slant into it with some fresh ideas:

"You kissed me in public. You didn't care"
the "wife" angle.

The trick will be to pare it down a bit without losing the sense of realism or honesty - to not make it a cathartic fabrication/built-thing.

And this time, the question in the ending works pretty well. Would have more punch if there was some reference to it earlier on (but not the word music).

I want to give it a nine, but I'm held back by the theme - you could very likely tweak this up to good effect.