Shuushin25 Mar 2004

"On a Gethsemane of popcorn" is a nice line, but doesn't get the visual punch it should, I think, because popcorn needs to be doing something in this place (like being strewn on the ground or something) rather than being the place.

"salted phial" is a nice ryhme with smile, if slightly out of context -

overall, it shows a nice control of language - maybe shows -off- a bit too, but the subject isn't terribly appealing (personally) - it may find a market though since it's topical. Best be quick though.