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Triptych: Rural (Haiku) by lastobelus

Fallowing --------- crow rises, still black boot into clod of turned earth recoil, break, reload. Racing the Train ---------------- gunned under the bitch hissing, face flat out ugly with a brand new fear. Family Reunion ------- squalling bee-stung child. Uncles lean on their cars, beer takes away the sting.

zodiac 7-Feb-04/9:31 PM
The first two are great, the last not so great. It jars. How about "Uncles lean on cars; some beer / takes away..."? Is that any improvement? Do you see what I'm asking?




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