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Swiftly (Free verse) by darkshark

The brook will not freeze over tonight It has rained too hard The water is moving too swiftly Give me your hand I will show you The shallow parts Where the rocks poke out of the water Where it is safe to wade We can cross together One step at a time And dry out our socks By the fire As we watch the water die down When our breath becomes smoke The embers will glow And together we will fade

Shuushin 6-Feb-04/5:08 PM
sounds too cold to cross with bare feet... I don't think the first stanza is really needed, certainly not the first line (if not, then u could change "water" to "brook")

nor is "out of the water"

the last "And" could better be "Then"




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