andrewjthomas28 Jan 2004

personally, i would lose the explanation at the beginning
we should figure it out on our own
stoplight/midnight and light/daylight are hard rhymes and should not be so close together
i also think "it's the coming, i think, of daylight" feels out of place and is awkwardly worded
you don't really use that kind of syntax anywhere else
all that said, once again, you right good stuff