god'swife28 Jan 2004

Well let's see... I am without question an e.e. cummings holdout. I found him when I was altogether weensy, and still learning English. He was key for opening the complicated lock of language. I think I learned more about English syntax from him then I ever did from all the nice ladies deconstructing sentences on the chalkboard(Just to think of those long drawnout afternoons in class makes me want to lay my head down on the desktop and drool), so I have to disagree with the notion that such experimentation is a drawback.

Up intil the first 'entire' I was throughly pleased. Especially the way 'oh California' sets the beginning lines as overture to what follows.

From first 'entire' to second 'entire' I can't make out what you mean. It's frustrating because then it picks up again and I can follow the thread.

Could you change the 'entire-ly' to 'entire'? Let's say:

'explained dark dark hair and eyes an entire one
apart yet some finger reaches'

In my humble opinion this poem might benefit from more nonsense, as it were,

largest wave breaking
in tantalizing sun
tantalizing curl of bluegreen
glass & foam, the ocean has
pounded shores trillion times entire

though they too have never become 1.

Well that was fun, Hope you don't mind. Please keep exploring. It's not often enough I get served an exotic dish.