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Jennifer Entire (Free verse) by Goad

The woman has in eyes lost an entire history in that dark behind waves in our endless sun (Oh California) we have retreated under trees under cliffs under fronds scattering light that woman in vast dark eyes entire her skirted knees undusted but kissed lips always away looking oblique and strong with sideways fast looks that fill me in entire history is unneeded details that history of a one apart watching that one part missing that makes a one entire what makes a one attached she is close on the damp grass seated in low tones speaking her fingered palms spread open in shade explained dark dark hair and eyes a one entire- ly apart yet some finger reaches through the space between eyes and I know you I know you I know you... There is the largest wave breaking in the sun such a tantalizing curl of blue-green glass and foam the ocean has pounded into the shore a trillion times entire though they two have never become one.

god'swife 28-Jan-04/11:27 AM
Well let's see... I am without question an e.e. cummings holdout. I found him when I was altogether weensy, and still learning English. He was key for opening the complicated lock of language. I think I learned more about English syntax from him then I ever did from all the nice ladies deconstructing sentences on the chalkboard(Just to think of those long drawnout afternoons in class makes me want to lay my head down on the desktop and drool), so I have to disagree with the notion that such experimentation is a drawback.

Up intil the first 'entire' I was throughly pleased. Especially the way 'oh California' sets the beginning lines as overture to what follows.

From first 'entire' to second 'entire' I can't make out what you mean. It's frustrating because then it picks up again and I can follow the thread.

Could you change the 'entire-ly' to 'entire'? Let's say:

'explained dark dark hair and eyes an entire one
apart yet some finger reaches'

In my humble opinion this poem might benefit from more nonsense, as it were,

largest wave breaking
in tantalizing sun
tantalizing curl of bluegreen
glass & foam, the ocean has
pounded shores trillion times entire

though they too have never become 1.

Well that was fun, Hope you don't mind. Please keep exploring. It's not often enough I get served an exotic dish.




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