Replying to a comment on:

Things Are Going to be Different Next Year (Lyric) by JanieDoe

She walked down the hall Of empty billboards and yellowing walls Silently observing Vacant locker doors ajar Swinging in the still air unmarred Cleaned out Sheets of schoolwork Floating like the gloating smirk Of the last word They have moved on Flew past twelfth grade, then gone Onto college

Plaidypus 22-Dec-03/10:22 PM
Huh...I like the ending. I think "smirk" is weak, you shouldn't try so hard to rhyme. Your message is interesting enough.




Track and Plan your submissions ; Read some Comics ; Get Paid for your Poetry
PoemRanker Copyright © 2001 - 2024 - kaolin fire - All Rights Reserved
All poems Copyright © their respective authors
An internet tradition since June 9, 2001