Poemranker [Replying] Thu Nov 21 15:38:11 PST 2024

Replying to a comment on:

paint me a poem with pictures (Lyric) by nentwined

Picture me a poem with the paint of a mind, give me a beauty that will last throughout time, rhyme me a reason to forestall all doubt, dribble me words to sustain me through drought.

Shuushin

11-Nov-03/7:07 AM

Well, since you asked - maybe another verb, maybe something beginning with "f": fling me, find me, flip me, you could come up with a good one, surely.

as for dribble... if made to stop and ponder the word, as you have just done to me, it brings to mind an old man who can't quite relieve himself, or who can't stop ... or a chocolate desert topping; and that's a bit disturbing [that I have both images together]. I'm telling myself that for the latter I was thinking of "drizzle", so that would work well, I like that one.

As an aside, you can pretty much shuffle the first words of the last three lines around without changing the meaning - but the first line has picture and paint together working well. Maybe you could do something like that with the other lines, though it might mess with the cadence if you aren't carefull.

I notice that drizzle and drought would go... hand and time would work too... okay, my head is starting to hurt, but maybe you have enough ideas for another piece.

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