Replying to a comment on:

my body is a battle ground (Lyric) by roses are read

my body is a battle ground i call myself desert storm and 9-11, hoping that with names like that that maybe one side can win but neither does, so i twist deeper into myself and feel my blood cells swirling though the oxygen i am an owl hidden in the night with jewel eyes/buried in a treasure chest from a pirate who had a girl who loved him, but all he saw was the sea, and it was filled with dead girls, who had jumped in to try and find what he was searching for/they went down and found eyes like jewels, buried in a treasure chest and i can't find my way from inside the treasure chest so for now my body is a battle ground i call myself desert storm and 9- 11, hoping that with names like that that maybe one side can win my body is a battle ground a battle ground i am fighting

god'swife 3-Nov-03/4:49 PM
That longest second stanza is interesting but needs reworking, the rest should be thrown-out. Stick to the middle bit.




Track and Plan your submissions ; Read some Comics ; Get Paid for your Poetry
PoemRanker Copyright © 2001 - 2024 - kaolin fire - All Rights Reserved
All poems Copyright © their respective authors
An internet tradition since June 9, 2001