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blue lilac and I (edit) (Free verse) by richa

sitting by the stream silvered in pike, and picking from still air the e-minor of trombone I could see the craned neck of blue lilac in shade bowl faced to the sun like a beggar, so succinctly put was its life and mine

cleverdevice 2-Oct-03/1:31 AM
Am I the only one not distinctly moved by this? I mean, a trombone? Seems like there's an oompah band just round the bend and I fund that higly amusing. Images of fat germans in Lederhosen and feathers in their cap spoiling this tranquil scene. It ruins the whole effect. Oboe, clarinet maybe, but trombone, no. There are far more emotive instruments than a trombone. And if this was me, I'd be blasted for the lack of capital letters. I quite like like 'silvered in pike' but pike arn't silver, they're green. Plus you won't find pike in a stream, they're too big, and prefer lakes to running water. They are also carnivorous, so are highly solitary creatures, you'd be lucky to get enough in one place for them to 'silver'. Apart from that there's some great stuff. 7




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