nentwined17 Sep 2003

flow suggestions:

"and doin' the rounds" (drop "the")?

[[why not 13, 15, 18, or thirteen, fifteen, eighteen?]]

(gearing down / keeping control) -> "gearing down for control"

"despite the laws
driving drunk is on the rise"? [nah, not quite] :/

"a means to an end" feels clunky.

"and ontime delivery
of the oxygen keeping grandma alive" (still not quite)

"still delivering a smile" -> "but delivering a smile" (less of a pause, somehow)

8 hoping for more flow, or more pointed stop-and-go (as the <~>-meister states)