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Love has been awoke. (edited, needs new title) (Free verse) by TheVoiceless

Away at college, My love. To whom I never confessed, To far gone to hold within these loving arms. Caress her day by day. Years we “dated”, Hell we even mated. But I… I couldn’t say a thing. Does that mean it was a sexual thing? Cause hardly ever did we express, A pen and paper always around was stress. Feeling all alone, Sitting in wait by the phone. I may be mute but not deaf! Will you never call, that being questioned? Heartbreak is setting in, feeling its pain. The slow trickle of organs overheating, Insides like a snow cone melting in summer’s day. You reached and touched with a frosting freeze, Making again solid my heart and chest with ridged silk. Today was the day the phone finally rang. To ear I held it, listening to you breath. Then finally after silences wait, you spoke. This letting known you’re still in reach. Fears now dormant in hibernation. Love has been awoken, but not spoken. What a great thing a voice could be.

nentwined 14-Sep-03/6:44 PM
certainly you've removed the informative. somewhat. your imagery has me solidly confused (a black lump of oxygenated carbon). I can't really feel "a snow cone melting on summer's day" (hmm; nitpick: it should either be "in summer's day" or "on a summer's day"). I can feel "a slow trickle of organs", but don't think it has the tone you're going for? [[rather sublime and gross it is, an interesting idea, but... out of place]]

really don't get what a "frosting freeze" would be. or what's reaching and what's being touched.

("to far gone" should be "too far gone")

the second stanza has seeds of something, if there was a better flow to it; and the last stanza brings it crashing down, in my opinion. done done done.




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