Replying to a comment on:

Upon a falling star (new/changed) (Lyric) by LuckyJoe

And how many times must I wish upon a falling star Wondering why you've gone so far away And I'm here wish for another day Tell me why you've gone so far away Baby please, there has to be a better way Come back and hold me for a day. Tell me now all the things you wish to say. And how many times must I wish upon a falling star. Wonder why you've gone so far away And I'm still stuck, wishing Wishing for another day and a better way Baby please tell me you hear all these things I say Can't keep going on wishing for another day. And how many times must I wish upon a falling star Wonder why you've gone so far away So tell me now, are you gone for good Baby please don't keep me waiting, come on home to stay. Cause I can't keep on waiting for another day Come on home and hold me for the day Tell me now all the things you wish to say. And how many times must I wish upon a falling star Wonder why you've gone so far away Tell me now are my days wishing just wasting Can't keep waiting for you to hold me another day Baby please understand all these things I say Cause tomorrow I might not be wishing for another day ************************** Heavy crit please. I've made quite a few changes want to know if it helped any. Thanks.

SupremeDreamer 21-Aug-03/2:57 PM
look, im no musician.. but my english teacher from the first grade could inform you of this fact:

every piece of writing needs a damned beginning/middle/end...

uncooked due to it being a song? luckyjoe, dont blab stupid crap like that.. look under horus8 and check out some of his lyrics, you'll find that they are quite well cooked, and they have a beginning!

Look around for other lyrics, explore this world.. youll find that any lyric worth a fuck isnt going to be without a beginning.. this is basic english class lessons man..




Track and Plan your submissions ; Read some Comics ; Get Paid for your Poetry
PoemRanker Copyright © 2001 - 2024 - kaolin fire - All Rights Reserved
All poems Copyright © their respective authors
An internet tradition since June 9, 2001