pbod,
first, run spell check. second, develop the amusing first half of the poem, and drop the proselytizing you ram down our throats in the last part. third, use line breaks and spacing FOR A REASON. not because you're not sure how. for examples, i recommend a book : The New American Poets (
http://www.ecampus.com/bk_detail.asp?isbn=0874519640). it is chock-full of excellent work, all of it fresh, all of it very recent. study it and hone your craft.