Replying to a comment on:
Missing
(
Free verse
) by
justjay
Something's gone. Hurt, pain. . . space. Emptiness in a spot of happiness. I can't feel her anymore. Something's wrong. I'm desperately reaching out. Nobodies there. Falling into space. Overly protective of nothing. It's gone. . .
Caducus
11-Aug-03/2:36 AM
Not bad but show us this emptiness !
For example emptiness could be a bell not tolling, or a kiss before work after 20 years of marriage, give us what emptiness is to you. Also when you reach out what is there? is it emptiness? tell us about how the air feels so lost around your fingers anything other than nothing.
Lots of potential here but lethargic 5
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