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American Eden (Free verse) by Don-Quixote

[A work in progress, heavy crit wanted..] Life... Its not about how one man fails societies code of morality, blaming his drunken father and his mother who was never home. Its not about how another man follows a gentleman's code of honor, drilled into him since he was a toddler by his polite and decent mum. Its not about how one was raised, or where a person came from. Its not even about how a man commits horrid crimes against humanity to soothe the pain of his tormented insanity. Its about how the tortured become weak, timid, and lazy. Sadly buried far too deep in self pity, too fearful to open rusted eyelids. Its about how the brave take the ashes of a war and turn it into solid bricks to build a skyscraper. Its about how a poet looks at a blank piece of paper and does not see pure white snow but a beautiful rainbow of color just waiting to be realized. Its about how ghosts are electric spirits wandering in the kindergarten classroom of this universe. Its about orphans made into slaves chained immediately since birth, prepared neatly to be returned to the earth unrealized and unfulfilled. And I suddenly realize that I do not live the American Eden. I now know that we are in hell.

SupremeDreamer 4-Aug-03/3:59 AM
the poet stanza, i agree it doesnt fit, but the ghost stanza.. cmon, thats a fucking masterpiece, and works beatifully in it.
And about potentially fucking it up, i dont fuck things up, trial and error just makes me succeed, its just a matter of time, and i dont take long to jump to the next level..

now, really, i want to know why you think the ghost stanza doesnt work.. id love to hear this, because we are basically energy, everything is a form of energy.. and we are children, some of us teenagers, and very few are old wise teachers.

And looking at history, 90% of humanity is still in kindergarten.. a long torturouse path of evolution that makes me think most of us are autistic or simply crazed retards.

do you disagree?




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