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How it should have happened (Free verse) by INTRANSIT

I walk into a room full with the sweet smell of perversion Cheshire grins surround me and I'm led into velour seclusion almost. Pinkie signs to obligatory armless fashion opposite a coy body cornered Shy words escape excited lungs answered with inhaled thoughts and exhaled ideas while eyes follow the ceiling floating down and resting on my underdeveloped chin. The delay has been extinguished silent silk strides in a slow attack and perches capable in her denim saddle picking and plucking at my shirt looking for fresh answers with intentional descent ending with excited discovery dampness looms she fits to me easy deliberate oil derrick motion destined for destruction...... (to be continued when I figure out how)

richa 29-Jul-03/8:56 AM
Lots of good lines here, in fact there isn't a line that deviates from the mature style. Unfortunately I think the poem lacks a logic running through it. If there is a logic and at the end you can reveal it, it would make a very good poem

I'll give you an -8- because there is a lot to recommend this




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