Replying to a comment on:

Middleman (Free verse) by INTRANSIT

I want her. She with her dirty feet that tell stories of america and vast uninhabited fields of sage, and hips ever greening And they roll and undulate to the whispered breeze under blue skies I cannot allow this this potential this disaster in triplicate I already have dirty feet I'm already trampling these fields with my own.

richa 22-Jul-03/3:25 PM
1) no need to repeat tells stories of twice

2) keep the line running through about dirty feet

3) and the line about fields of sage and hips

4) the rest could be altered if you find a decent image or word sequence




Track and Plan your submissions ; Read some Comics ; Get Paid for your Poetry
PoemRanker Copyright © 2001 - 2024 - kaolin fire - All Rights Reserved
All poems Copyright © their respective authors
An internet tradition since June 9, 2001