SupremeDreamer30 Jun 2003

hrmm. interesting and perhaps funny.. but it lackes a certain spontaneous quality, because your title already layed out the end, or gave enough info for me to guess it. The final moral that you give for a conclusion, is a simple spurt of common sense. Then you attempted to make the last line catchy and funny.. but it ended up being boringly unamusing.

I like the story you did spin out though, except for the insane "form" we have here.. your lines are running all over the place.. what purpose does that exactly serve? to make reading the work annoying enough as to drive people to become lazy and not read it?