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Lost love (Free verse) by Mikius

Pain Shoots through me Like some sword-wound, deep in my heart Someone has cut open my chest But it’s not, It’s just love Just maybe, somewhere along the way I got lost. I love her. I never meant To hurt her so. To scare her or use her Inside and out Like something Something to be used No I love her Now she has left Left me alone With my thoughts With my mind Dark and twisted Poisonous thought Taking root Evil No I never meant to hurt her Or scare her so I love her I love her

god'swife 29-Apr-03/2:21 AM
So...

The structure is good,

but

you
are
not
saying
anything
really.
Where
are
the
specifics.

Somewhere????? Tell exactly where.
'I loved her'? How???? Tell me what you did hold her hand.... walk her dog..... read to her grandmother..... lick her pussy......
I mean, come on, what's your story????

'she left me alone with my thoughts' so what?
what the fuck where you thinking? That's what I want to know. I can't think your thoughts, show them to me.

"I never meant to hurt her" Hoooooooowwwwwww did you hurt her? Scare her? Haaaaaaaaaaoooooooooooooooowwww? Don't tell me nothing, tell me something.




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