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MOM (Free verse) by INTRANSIT

I couldn't know your pain when I was young. Contemptible words from adults. The flower that never got to be. The cruise that never set sail. Assumptions for safety, Putting family first. Inner pain stifled. Your position not your fault. Unwanted unscheduled misunderstandings. Pain liquified, coursing through your body. The secondary killer. Understanding unsearched for, selfishness unseen, Multiple compaction. First time crashed second time failed Suggestions unheeded. Time fleeting. freight train time. Age and love passing Watching your pain consumes me. I will go on in hope. Many culprits, Changes never appear. Five times lost. A family reunited on a mountainside. A small blessing. Love neverending, love pushed aside. A deeper bond is born A blessing in disguise, two split and fly. Wholeness with a price. Persona left behind, thoughts carried with. I can feel you inspiring me.

god'swife 15-Apr-03/2:31 PM
Terrific structure, just needs fleshing out. Give me your personal story.

"The flower...to be."

What causes the flower to die? Exactly, tell me. Is the seed never planted? Does it die of thirst? Take me to your childhood, I want to see it, walk it's streets with you. I want to see what you saw as a child. Can you give me that?

I think your an interesting person. I bet you can tell an interesting story.

What crash?
What failure?
what suggestion?

Details, dress the story with the personality of the writer. The writer's personality, or sometimes the stories personality, is the only orginal thing a writer has to give. Details give excitement, interest.




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