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His Dying Words (2nd draft) (Free verse) by Ranger

Time slowed, and for an instant it seemed Forever, he was granted The eternity he required To explain how much more he wished he'd loved her And within a fraction of a cricket's song His final breath floated away With the wonderful words she longed for As they dissipated into the echoes Of a deserted corridor "I love you too", she wept But her child would never know Just how much so Condolences and cards rang hollow The maternity ward faded to silence

INTRANSIT 21-Mar-03/1:50 PM
Swap lines 5 and 6 and merge them. You have great potential, especially starting at such a young age. If this fulfills you, and puts a smile on your face, then continue to work at it. (9) I think you're close here.
Very close.




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