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Blinded (Lyric) by Dostoyevsky

Time slipping down frozen sand grains, Through a soul thats trapped in chains, Loosing my self in a drowning pool, For you im anything, i play the fool, Locked up hearts in a gilded cage, Nothing more than writing on a page, Words to you are lifes little game, Written for you, they dont mean the same, Perfect dreams of you like siren songs, For you i'll leave where my heart belongs, Lost and alone on a cloudless night, You are my inspiration, my one, my sight,

Ranger 15-Mar-03/2:27 PM
Did I not say before that "Loosing" should be "Losing"? Not to worry.
I still don't like the 1st 2 lines, they still need something less frequently used. Perhaps:
"Thoughts sliding down onto the floor
From a mind which reamins so unsure"

Keep working on it and it'll get there in the end. Why delete all the previous comments? Keep them to remind you of the progress you make (it also makes people really impressed when you've got loads of comments and they'll look at your poem and leave their own comment).
Anyway, I've given you my thoughts on yours, now give me yours on mine ya selfish bastard.




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