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I cannot take this shit(please comment and critique) (Other) by TrulyUnique0642

You kiss me with your eyes shut tight, But isn't that how you kissed the others? I might just die from this pain in my heart. If only there was reason to start to hate you, I do, but really I don't. You won't stop, You won't quit, How much longer must I deal with this shit? Would you please stop calling? No one's around, I need you. So don't stop picking up that phone, I need you alone. Just keep me posted on who you're fuckin, Because I might just want to hunt them down one day, And see what they havn't that I don't. I can't stop, I don't need you, You're nothing - you're not worth it. Although I need to cry, My eyes are dry. I cannot take this shit - I quit. Let me be lonely if I must.

Ranger 9-Mar-03/12:40 PM
Too simplistic to get anywhere on this site-revise it and be a bit more creative with your vocab. Also decide whether you want to rhyme it or not because this just doesn't flow. That being said, I like the line "Just keep me posted on who you're fucking"...not heard that one before. Oh, and please change the title.
There we go, there's a comment with critique, hope it was of some use. Let me know when you've edited this and I'll have amother look. Good Evening to you all.




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