Poemranker [Replying] Sat May 18 04:13:08 PDT 2024

Replying to a comment on:

If it were another time, I'd spend each moment with you If I were in another place, I'd be there beside you If it could work out, I'd be completely devoted to you If things were to be fair, I'd be unselfish to you If this was destined to be, then I'd never leave you If it was... but it was not

-=Dark_Angel=-, P.I.

22-Feb-03/11:20 AM

This is an absolutely disastrous attempt at poetry. First of all, the title - REALITY - great way to drive home the REALISM of your piece with both alarming and shocking clarity! Oh wait, actually it's crap. "If I were in another place, I'd be there beside you" - would you? What if that other place wasn't BEside them, but INside them? Didn't think of that one, did you!? "If it could work out" - yeah the crucial word in this phrase is "If", because actually, disableds can't "work out". They're too lazy. Not to mention stupid. I think it's time you faced up to THAT little REALITY.

"If it was... but it was not" - ahhhhh but what if it actually WAS? Then your entire poeme would be a complete lie.

But overall, completely ace! 10/10!!!

Track and Plan your submissions ; Read some Comics ; Get Paid for your Poetry

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