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Lovers leave their marks (Free verse) by scitz

There is a time you experience an uncontrollable attraction. To lose your mind in a profound interference, That fuels two fools, lost in passion. Exchanged glances heats the air till it chokes you until you can't breathe, And the slow dances lead you to a bedroom, Where he strokes you in places you never believed. This phase can last longer in your heart than your mind, Day's even months go past and the lust grows stronger when you're apart, When you meet again as lovers in the dark, The attraction lingers it never expires, You dream of his fingers that made you shiver, On a bearskin rug next to an open fire, And what he gives you is a physical answer to emotional desires, He hides away his mind, But in the artist of the fake 'Picasso' his truths are limited in what he'll say He will hold you so close while hold you at bay. For he was not not an open book, But he gave you a look, And you tried to read beyond the cover, And he is a man, a stoical lover. As you grow older, your heart gets much colder, The door is harder to open to strangers, Theirs too many risks, too many dangers. Lovers leave their marks, And some scars do not heal, Some men are pathetic, wearing emotional cosmetic, I did once, but now I am real, I have had my attraction, my lust with liaison, She was the one wanting more to happen, But to me it was a phase outliving its energy, We had chemistry that envy grieves, And I hope a part of her truly believes, That something we had was wild and untamed, That chose to enter our lives invited, A feeling that ignited more than lust, Alive living lies, dead to any trust. Our love is now ashes dust to dust.

<~> 19-Feb-03/7:09 AM
scitz this could be quite good but you've got far too many words tumbling around in this sack. this needs a bit of meter to bounce the reader on through. smooth it out a bit, and it will be lovely.

(for help with meter, see:
http://www.uni.edu/english/craft/line&amp;meter.html
and
http://owl.english.purdue.edu/handouts/general/gl_soundmeter.html




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