Shall I compare thee to a vacuum cleaner? Thou art more viscous and more ergonomically designed. Rough monkeys do bend the branches of my rubber-plants, And summer's eyes hath all got conjunctivitis. Sometime too often the pigeon of Bristol melts, And often is his moth-eaten toupe unkempt; And every fair from fair sometime excretes, By chance or momma's changing bowels unchained; But thy eternal hangover shall not fade Nor lose possession of that monkey thou stole; Nor shall Fulham FC brag thou scored in their history, When in Coke bottles to drink thou dry: So long as elephants can remember or stamp on mice, So long I write, and this gives me a headache.