nentwined29 May 2002

I like the "here then there"ness of the poem, but it doesn't tie together for me, nor really have much effect. As much as I like the word "envelopes" (and entwines), I think I need a clearer image or statement. Certain words felt like they were just tossed in without consideration for the rest of the poem: envelopes, zephyr, bedraggled, (pierot?). I think apostraphes where "necessary" would have helped somewhat, especially as you used (a plethora of) exclamation marks and a goodly number of commas.