Replying to a comment on:
Hunt
(
Free verse
) by
cobalt
Greener than the leaves irridescent heads glint against a dun river's shimmery lap, lulled Instantly uncradled, slivers of blue flash from unfurling wings burst heavenward as shot shatters silence in the reeds He sits silent, blinded awaits the fall
cobalt
18-Oct-02/3:59 PM
why does greener than leaves lose you? it is in the fall, and the leaves are no longer green. can that not be surmised, or does the timeline confuse? i thought that was clear. hmm.yes, mrs.g, he is in a blind. the ducks shoots free of their cradle--the river, where they are rocked gently, and they shoot heavenward with the sound of the shot. the slivers of blue are inside their wings--you've seen that? how would you suggest making it clearer without destroying the sparseness of it?
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