Replying to a comment on:

casting couch (Free verse) by darby pyn

Worn torn skirt with a trying smile she looks so out of place. an actress with a permanent thorn she keeps to remind her of her place. slouching on the couch in a stranger's house forced conversations and cocaine conclusions I have no delutions no more she says. soar from the binge she cry's and cringes face to face with her tears face to face with her years. breaks all the mirrors she loves her bad luck she's never surprised she knows that she's stuck. prod and brand a one night stand like the back of my hand I know your plan. I play the role of a defeated soul and watch your confidence take control. ego with a smile, the tragedy of faith, the opposite of grace the attention misplaced. I have no delusions repeat and remember I'm never surprised I never surrender.

Tintagiles 17-Oct-02/8:52 PM
This truly sounds as if you wrote a rhyming affair and then stuck it in a mass of enjambments so that either we wouldn't notice or if we did we'd think it was modern genius. Are you sure it wouldn't work better in the original line breaking?




Track and Plan your submissions ; Read some Comics ; Get Paid for your Poetry
PoemRanker Copyright © 2001 - 2024 - kaolin fire - All Rights Reserved
All poems Copyright © their respective authors
An internet tradition since June 9, 2001