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A Soldier's Promise (Free verse) by Ninoy_Instigator

I'm waiting here, standing on guard I will not move anymore. My conscious is filled with worry Is she taken? Is she a locked door? My life is so frustrating I don't know what she thinks. Does she actually fancy me? Or does she pity a stupid freak? No matter what blocks my vision I'll still stand proudly on guard. I must be a soldier for that innocent girl I'll work 'til I'm a dead, blank card. When I see her beautiful face I realize She deserves a lot more than me. But I'm still better than the scum out there I'll protect her from the disease of reality. God, do you know the emotions that brew When I think about her mothering my child? That thought always brings tears to my eyes It won't just be locked away and filed. When I'm close to passing into death There's one thing you must promise. That you be near me dear one, Because I want you to be my final kiss. So I will continue to stand on guard, God PLEASE, I pray on my knees she can hear me. If you walk out of my life, I'll lose my soul And you will be digging my grave completely. Joanna, you are my purpose in life.

JakeBike 9-Oct-02/9:04 PM
you have made her an object. she is a living, breathing person, as are you. she is not to be worshipped as an idol. she is to be respected as a friend, if she choses to befriend you. you are equals. in your poem, you would cage her, and save her sweet song for your ears alone. you are a prison guard, not a soldier. that is what you will do wrong. not to mention the narrow range of thought expressed int these words. stretch. compare. condense. don't be so obvious. why would anyone want to be with a sap? give her words of mystery. give her breadth and depth. you have made her a servant without her freedom.




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