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The Spell(Alice part I) (Lyric) by alvinb

My bright blue skies have faded My world unsaturated and it feels like it's out of hue.. The vividness has turned gray Gone are the colors of May nothing left but blue.. It used to shine so bright Surrounded by bright light I'm sinking deep inside Sinking deep in my own lies Now it's hard for me to move My screws are turning loose Feels like my soul was shattered.. I lay in darkness, my friend I see memories I've forsaken All of that is you... It used to shine so bright but now it's dark outside It's buried deep inside Buried deep in my own lies...

nentwined 30-Jan-15/1:36 PM
I really like the potential of the first two stanzas, but the rest disappoints, for meā€”give me more color, more shifting, more playing with vision (other than bright/dark). Though loss poems are particularly hard to do, in that the general doesn't connect and the particular may be too particular. And they are done, and done, and done--but try to dig into more senses, cohere it all, and don't give up....




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