Poemranker [Replying] Sat Nov 23 22:00:30 PST 2024

Replying to a comment on:

BEHIND HIS BOWED HEAD (Other) by iowajerms

BEHIND HIS BOWED HEAD His hands are behind his bowed head, Sitting alone on the very last chair, His body is now all covered with sweat, Headgear and mat has messed up his hair, Nobody is in as good of shape as him, His is struggling to catch his breath, His attitude walking onto the mat, Was the opposite of when he left, He wanted to win the match for pride, But at the end of it he just froze, He could have finished the match strong, Not wrestled his best everybody knows, Knowing he needs to now get over it, He wipes his tears and holds his head high, Learning a lot from this match, Next time will be the otherâs turn to cry.

SupremeDreamer

5-Sep-08/8:33 PM

Repetive displays of title are annoying. Unneccesary capitalization irritates my savage soul.

I'm going to reshape this, since I feel that this peice possesses substance worthy of salvation:

-Redemption on the mat.-

I watch as he sits alone
on the last chair, hands clasped
behind his bowed head-- body drenched
with sweat, hair disheveled, struggling
painfully to catch his breath.

He left the mat without his pride,
without victory, the confidence
he had stepping in manifestly absent.

He started the match
in the best shape of his life,
brawnier now than ever.
He started out strong, then
at the end he just froze.

Should have won, but he didn't,
having not done his best.
He allowed arrogance to hold sway,
failing to utilize the depths
of his skills and training.

Wiping away the tears he sighs,
sucking in the shame, knowing that
he will never forget this failure.

This lesson has prepared him;
his opponent will know of it
the next time he steps on the mat,
and feel the pain of past mistakes.
-------------------------------------------

Here's a six for conjuring up something worth writing.

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