Don-Quixote29 Jul 2008

Ok, now when you did barney and dora, the rhyme scheme wasn't an issue. But here? Here it's quite obviouse that the poem unfolded as it did because you stubbornly held to the rhyme. That and it's length made it a bit a chore to get to the end, even though it too had some pretty funny elements. You know, some powerful stuff can be forged when you loosen up and let a poem flow in a natural way, one that follows the human mind and not A B A B A B A B A B A B....

Your poem got owned by the strict, repetetive, hypnotic rhyme scheme. I felt sleepy, but could not pass out because the simplistic rhymes irritated me.

Try a hand at free verse, or even prose poetry. That, or do something worthwhile with rhyming form, like a villanelle. Also, the limerick is perfect for making a funny poem... its short, clever, has a rhyme structure, and if done correctly will make everyone giggle. Look up some of dark angels classics, he's done a lot with the limerick form.

You get what I'm saying dood? Fucking branch out.

Five. I'm being nice too, because I really wanted to say four.