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Tropical afternoon (Free verse) by cpill

A wet sky ends another flushed day Letting go of the days hot frustrations Releasing the struggle that started at dawn So one can finally say "I'm done" The race is over. Nobody won. The cool breeze retires ambition Letting the shoulders sag and, put on loose shoes, Smile in the company of others Reflecting at the slow replay of the days events Forever to be frozen in memory Washed in hopes or regrets

Ranger 21-Jun-07/5:00 AM
Not keen on 'shoulders sag' - it sounds like you give up on everything, whereas the rest of the poem is less like that. I'd change it to 'let the shoulders down', like you're letting blinds down on the windows, letting your guard down and a million other relaxed cliches.
'Menstruating sky' is hilarious.




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