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Never Still (Other) by Skamper

In the dank and death chilled night satan nears to claim his right. Upon her maidens breast he lays, the anguished hand of love’s dismay. And in the weak set of the moon broods a devil of cruellest gloom, to capture her from river’s sand bare her soul away from land. The empty depths of Silver River quietly breaks over finger’s quiver. The ragged figure – her lover scorned sheds bloody tears from rose’s thorn. Her whispers filter past the skies, the stars will wink within her sigh, and devil’s will – she denies, to etch the light where none was nigh And love will wander ‘neath the stars to feel her breath – to mend his scars, to heal love’s victim – “O thy mind be true to what your heart defined”

lmp 5-Jun-07/9:09 AM
also, lines 15 & 16 are a bit out of synch somehow.

if the meaning is that she defies the devil's will by haunting her lover to ease his pain, you may want to pull the thoughts together by losing the dash in line 15. a period at the end of line 14 would also help, as would beginning line 15 with "the". line 16 might complete the image a bit by replacing "to etch the light" with "etching the light".

like the dark sentiment; "brood" is one of my favorite dark verbs. still trying to piece together how her lover was scorned exactly, but i can dream up any number of treacheries/betrayals...




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