Replying to a comment on:

The Story of Wolf and Moon (Free verse) by Blackshadow

This is a tale, countless ages told Among the Wolf, to cub from old. ~ It is a story of true love, Between Wolf below, and Moon above. ~ The Wolf and Moon were One they say, Lovers, Friends, to this very day. ~ The sky at night their hunting grounds, Their depth of love, it knew no bounds. ~ The Wolf one night, in foolish pride, Chased a star that tried to hide. ~ They fell to Earth, Wolfs' heart grew sore, The Moon still flew; the Wolf no more. ~ The Wolf at night calls to His Mate, All alone, cursing Fate. ~ And to this day the Wolf will cry, A mournful Howl to the night sky. ~ The faithful Moon shines loving light, To call the Wolf back to their flight. ~ To light His way back to her side, Apart, due to His foolish pride. ~ The Wolves tell of a night to come, When Wolf returns to Moon, His One. ~ This is the story all cubs know, Of Moon above, and Wolf below. ~ But the tale isn't done you see, kiana's Moon; the Wolf is Me ~ My Moon has shone her tender light, This Wolf on wings of love took flight. ~ Moon shone her light to guide Wolf Home No longer will I walk alone. ~ Hand in hand, side by side We fly, To hunt once more 'cross the night sky. ~ Our path, it leads Us to Our fate So grateful to My true Soul mate. ~ So cubs must learn a new story, kiana's Moon, and Wolf is Me. ~ The two are One, forever more, True love the future holds in store. ~ We talk of dreams, and secrets shared, In furs at night, Our Souls are bared. ~ Y/you wonder how this story ends, One more verse will tell all My F/friends ~ The Wolf.....it mates for life you see, kiana's Moon; the Wolf is Me.

Dovina 1-Jun-07/7:48 AM
Some wordiness,such as "It is a story of true love" could be just "a story of love," similar suggestions throughout.

"Our path, it leads Us to Our fate" is such a common theme that, expecially when said straight out, comes accross stale. Otherwise, some good rhythms and some good lines.




Track and Plan your submissions ; Read some Comics ; Get Paid for your Poetry
PoemRanker Copyright © 2001 - 2024 - kaolin fire - All Rights Reserved
All poems Copyright © their respective authors
An internet tradition since June 9, 2001