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Deserted Shopping Carts (Free verse) by cheese.doodles

Abandoned children, We lie in the ditches where Our mothers shoved us. Crippled By twisted metal and broken wheels We cannot walk anymore, we Cannot escape Or go home. The creeping tentacles of The weeds Evil octopi, they Sneak up Curl around our limbs Ensnare us Shrouding our remains. No-one Will ever Uncover Our bones.

nypoet22 25-Apr-07/6:13 PM
nice hokku beginning, excellent underlying structure a-la-w.c.williams, both the beginning and ending are superb. the middle two stanzas drag a little, especially the third. try to get that same meaning in around half the words.




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