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The Corner Tavern (Free verse) by jessicazee

Pulltabs and buzz-ins, raffles, a current holiday mood Surprise me with your jukebox and play me one stringy song for vinyl perching stools, for nicknames and pleasantries for weeping chilled mugs and dogs who drink beer I'll give you a crispy dollar to hear the one about the wheels and how they go round and how I'm watching them

bwaha 23-Apr-07/8:11 AM
I like the way you evoke your mood in this, though I have to question your use of the word stringy, and more especially....current. A current holiday mood - what exactly does this mean? Does the fact that it is current contribute something to what you are saying? A more descriptive or evocative modifier might work better here.


I can only assume that your last verse is referring to Lennon, which I think is fantastic, I absolutely love that song. And your description of a dollar as being "crispy" is quite interesting, not something I would have ever thought to use myself.




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