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Broken Clay (Free verse) by donmiguel1960

wasted life of anguish, and demise diminishing, groping, and endless maze family so young, dieing, with dark eyes living disgrace, of a tortuous blaze unfaithful husband, of horrific reach with sins of faith, that can never depart brings a dieing wife to a shallow beach unable to restore, her broken, sad heart falling stars that never return, they blink, then wink until their gone a families soul as a dieing fern they shine no more from dusk to dawn absent is all their hope and might drifting in life from day to day a husband who forgot just how to fight a beauty now lost in broken clay

Dovina 16-Apr-07/7:04 PM
There's a good sentiment here that could be a good poem. Get rid of half the commas (faith, that - for example); clean up the grammar; and get rid of excess words (now in the last line, just in the penultimate line) and fix the spelling - families, their.




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